Why Change Is So Difficult

The reason why change is so difficult is because we want to believe what we want to believe.  Facts be damned.  That's why many people are so intractable.  Regardless of evidence, almost every human will hold to his or her convictions.  That's why there is a resounding element of truth to Donald Trump's pre-presidency claim that he could walk down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan and shoot someone and his supporters will still support him.  In an interesting and eye-opening blog written by Oran Varol on Heleo, Varol writes that trying to persuade someone to change their mind by providing irrefutable evidence won't work because the brain does not follow facts. John Adams knew this to be true.  He said, "Facts are stubborn things, but our minds are even more stubborn." 

 

"We tend to undervalue evidence that contradicts our beliefs and we overvalue evidence that confirms them.  We filter out inconvenient truths and arguments on the opposing side. As a result, our opinions solidify, and it becomes increasingly harder to disrupt established patterns of thinking," Varol writes.

 

Alternative facts are real to those who believe them because they confirm pre-existing beliefs.  That's why confirmation bias is real.  We want to belief what we want to believe.  And if you need evidence, Google a question that you want an answer to.  Chances are you will click until you find a response that you want to find.  Confirmation bias helps to explain why couples will argue when one party asks the other their opinion of anything.  If the response is not what the asking party wants to hear, an argument is likely to follow.

 

Given the significant evidence that you can't use facts to change someone's mind, is there a better alternative?  The answer is "yes", according to Varol.  He claims that you have to give your brain an out by convincing yourself that your previously held conviction was right given the evidence that you had at the time.  If the information you have access to changes, then so should your mind.

 

However, too often when someone tries to change someone else, the approach taken is that I am right and you are wrong.  Here's why I am right.  When someone is being challenged, the immediate response almost always is to challenge back.

 

There really is a better and more persuasive way.  If you insult or dismiss someone else's opinions and beliefs ("a basket of deplorables"), he or she is likely to dig in because if they don't, they feel they are admitting they are stupid and that's not a claim most people are willing or able to make.  Varol explains that if someone disagrees with you it's not necessarily that they are wrong and you are right.  It's simply because the other party believes in something that you don't.

 

The great challenge is that beliefs are tied to identity.  Changing someone's mind requires changing their identity and that's almost impossible.  Varol advises to place a healthy separation between yourself and the product of yourself.  For example, if you try to convince Detroit autoworkers that global warming is real and therefore they need to produce nonfossile fuel cars to protect penguins in Antarctica, the chance of getting buy-in is slim to none. However, if you frame the argument that renewal energy solutions will provide job security for their grandchildren, then you may convince someone that your belief is in their best interest. 

 

Another reason why changing someone's mind is so difficult is that "birds of a feather flock together".  We friend people on Facebook who have the same beliefs that we do.  We live in neighborhoods where you are more similar to others next door than you are different.  Varol advises to make friends with people who will challenge you and disagree.  Having contrarians to challenge you can be especially helpful running a business.  Admittedly though, it's not easy and certainly not comfortable.  We have been preaching looking through someone else's lens to better understand what they really want.  The same thing applies to challenging your status quo. 

 

Varol's advice is to strongly believe in your path, but be willing to change if the facts show a better way.  Ask yourself what evidence would you need to receive in order to change one of your most strongly held beliefs. If the answer is nothing can change your mind, then responding to change will be next to impossible.