When Email Is a Way To Avoid Communicating

How many times have you sent an email rather than picking up the phone or attempting to meet face-to-face to discuss a difficult, controversial or complex matter? How would you feel if you received an email from a builder who you have been supporting and working with for the last decade that said, "We won't be needing you on the estates project. We've decided to go in a new direction." What?! You most likely would be disappointed, angry, upset and at a loss.

 

Here are several situations where email should not be used to communicate a message.

• Don't use email to relate controversial decisions. Sending an email message, "I am sorry that you did not get the promotion. Hope you understand," most likely will result in a misunderstanding. 
• Don't use email to share sensitive information or for the sole purpose of covering one's backside. Creating a paper trail may be appropriate, but it may be more appropriate to relate the information face-to-face or over the phone and then confirm things in writing.
• Don't use an email to avoid a conflict or a confrontation. Sending an email to inquire why a deadline was not met, a problem not corrected or a budget not followed will only put the recipient on the defensive and most likely will result in an unproductive series of back and fourths that leaves everyone at a loss.
• Don't use email to paint the recipient into a corner by outlining every reason for your position so as to avoid questions or disagreements. Email is not effective as a court brief. How many times have you received a six or seven paragraph email and rolled your eyes?
• Using email to say things you would not say face-to-face. How many emails have you sent or received and thought, wow, that really should not have been sent?
• Using emails because you don't want to take the time to meet, call or simply walk down the hall. Yes, email is easy and quick, however, that does not mean it should be used when a more appropriate and effective form of communication is required.

A good rule of the thumb is that if an email chain goes beyond three back and fourths, there's a good chance continuing a written dialogue is not going to result in a solution. That's when it's time to pick up the phone and have a candid and mutually respectful conversation. You can diffuse tense situations by starting a conversation or an email by stating, "We don't seem to be on the same page, but we both want to make sure the project goes well. When's a good time to talk? Let's schedule a call."

 

Another key is to downplay or eliminate emotion and focus on facts and solutions. And when you do have a difficult conversation, recognize that the first 30 seconds are critical. That's the time you have to state your case before asking what the other side is thinking. If you speak longer than a half minute, chances are the other party will tune you out and not hear what you are saying.

 

Email is an extremely effective communication tool, but it's not a be-all and end-all. Recognize when email is not the preferred communication medium. When you call or meet face-to-face for difficult, controversial or complex discussions, you will save time, reduce stress and eliminate misunderstandings.